Dear Chicago

Two things we gotta talk about:

1.) The weather today. It was terrible. It was like a garbage strewn Portland.

See? I thought we had a deal. I won’t complain about your legendary winters, if you don’t have all day drip-a-thons. And you know what makes it even worse? When it rains in Portland, it’s no fun taking public transportation around the city, but you, Chicago, are ten million times bigger than Portland. I had take a total of six different busses and train lines to get where I needed to be. That means that I waited outside in your terrible weather six times today. Jerk. Plus, today was the first day in a long time that I needed to work outside. So it was raining buckets while I tried to keep sixty loper wielding fourth grades from killing each other or deforesting the Dan Ryan Forest Preserve. I know it sounds impossible for a group of fourth graders to destroy a forest, but they were doing their level best. The Forest Preserve lost some fine oak saplings today, along with a large amount blackthorn.*

2.) What is the deal with Dunkin’ Donuts? They are everywhere in this city – except anywhere that I was today. I can’t walk five blocks in any direction in my neighborhood without running into a Dunkin’ Donuts. But at 6am this morning, no Dunkin’ Donuts by my friends’ house (fortunately my friend Kaleb is a selfless man who thinks nothing of sharing his coffee). All morning long, no Dunkin’ Donuts at the elementary school or the Forest Preserve (it’s called corporate sponsorship Chicago, look it up). I walked up and down two of the main drags in Pilsen, which is a pretty happening neighborhood, hunting for a dumb Dunkin’ Donuts to no avail. And I really needed some coffee (see above about the weather and the children). I know that you are not going to have Starbuck’s or even funky and/or snobby little coffee shops on every corner the way Portland does, and that is one of the things that I thought I was going to enjoy about living here, but seriously? Why were you hiding coffee from me? Lucky for me, and the students I worked with in the afternoon, I did end up finding a very funky coffee shop.

While we’re at it, I’m just going to assume that you are responsible for putting that unstable desk in the tutoring classroom. It’s embarrassing to fall out of desk at any time, but imagine falling out of a desk for no apparent reason in front of a roomful of teenagers who already think you are crazy because you think they should do their homework. Nice one, Chicago.

E tu, Chicago?

* Don’t worry, De. I know this summary sounds pretty grim, but it was a really fun morning. And I’m pretty sure they didn’t kill that many of the good trees.

Your friend,












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